Sometimes it takes getting hit with some cold water to make us realize what is important. In Aurora, Colorado, 12 individuals went into a movie theater to enjoy time with friends, family, or just themselves with no idea that would be the last movie they would ever purchase a ticket for.
My initial reaction to this news report was fear. I began considering all the what ifs scenarios in my life. What if I do this instead of that? What if I choose to live me life here instead of there? What if I choose this career path instead of that one? Then I went to church this morning, and immediately took a step back to re-evaluate all this ‘what if’ mumbo jumbo I was going through in my head.
One would not have to be religious to take from the sermon today. It was simple and to the point. We can choose to live a life in fear or not. Obviously the choices we make each day effect who we are, what we become, and often the people around us. We have the choice to take on each day diving in head first or tiptoeing through it. We can choose to do what we feel is right, trust our gut, and live, or we can evaluate, re-evaluate, and then half commit to what we are doing because it is the safe option.
This message has been making my wheels spin all day. It has forced me to really look at my life. Look at where I have been playing it safe, falling into a routine because it is comfortable, and not challenging myself. Now don’t get me wrong I love a routine, I actually thrive on routine, however, I do not want to become a slave to one. I do not want to miss out on things because there is a chance it may mess up my routine and even more so my life plan.
A great example of this for me was not getting into a doctoral program for the fall. It is honestly something that tore me apart. I was lost, had no clue what I was going to do, had destroyed ‘my plan.’ So what did I do, I shut down. I continued working in a high stress job, with crazy hours, 8 hours away from my boyfriend of 4 years. To say the least I hated life, but more obvious to me now, I was taking the easy way out, by feeling sorry for myself but still making rent and holding a job. Then I did the unthinkable (for me) I quit my job and came to spend the summer in Tennessee with my boyfriend going to graduate school. It was a bold move for me, but a smart one. It has given me a chance to recharge, to read, and to go to church. And guess what, I was offered a position in a master program at my undergraduate university. My ideal situation…no. An opportunity that will give me a chance to grow…absolutely. Does it scare the crap out of me that, it will lead to nothing, that it is missed time with my boyfriend, is a waste of money that I do not have, sure. Am I going to do it anyway? You bet!
God is slowing teaching me that I cannot plan out every moment of my life. That really it’s not my will but His that is going to get me places in life. That sometimes I need to trust that situations work out for a reason and wasting time constantly worrying about money, what is next, and does it fit into the plan, is just that a waste. I know now God is saying to me, “Amy, would you be happy with what you did with your life right now if that was all you did?” and I want every day to be able to say yes, I took chances and did something to better this place, others, and myself.
So now that I have rambled on, and this may not make sense to many of you, because as I said my head is just spinning, I am going to take a breather from this post. But if you take only one thing from this word vomit of a post take this, do not fear life, take it on by diving in because everyone is so unique and has something so different to offer to make this place better.
– I send all my thoughts and prayers to the family, friends, and anyone affected by the terrible incident in Aurora, Colorado